Barbara Trefren Mayer (1948-2018)

Barbara Trefren Mayer (1948-2018) was born Sept. 3, 1948 in Boise, Idaho, and died of pancreatic cancer July 8, 2018 at her home in Memphis. She was 69.

It has been about a year since my mother-in-law died. One day, she was golfing despite a little pain in her side. The next day, her doctor diagnosed her with pancreatic cancer. Around a month later, she died.

Barbara was a major part of our lives. She helped raise our children, hosted our family for holidays and served as my wife Michelle’s No. 1 sounding board. She was an extraordinary grandmother to my girls. Her grandmother name was Honey, and I know they will never forget all the time she poured into them. Someday, they may become grandmothers themselves. If they do, I know they will tell their grandchildren stories about their own grandmother.

When you spend a lot of time researching genealogy, you read many obituaries and look at countless old photographs of family members who came before you. Finding an old photograph of an ancestor is always thrilling, but there usually is no real emotional connection. It is different when the person in the photograph is someone you knew and loved.

My wife is still dealing with the grief of losing her mother while she was so young, and I suppose, in some ways, she always will. She describes grief as being in the ocean. Sometimes the waves barely reach your feet. At other times, they feel as though they are going to drown you.

Our family will always remember Barbara. For the rest of our lives, we will say to one another, “Remember when Honey …”

Time will move on. Future generations may read about her, watch her memorial video and see what a wonderful mother and grandmother she was. But they will have their own families, with mothers and grandmothers of their own, and their own good times to share and remember.

I suppose that is the way it is meant to be.

In the weeks leading up to Barbara’s death, her daughters and granddaughters rarely left her side. To pass the time, and as a memorial of sorts, they worked together on a scrapbook of photos. Here a few pages from that book.

Barbara Trefren Mayer Obituary

Barbara Trefren Mayer, age 69, passed away peacefully Sunday, July 8, 2018, at her home after a short illness. In the days leading up to her death, she was surrounded by her many friends, family and beloved dogs.

Barbara was born September 3, 1948, the youngest of five children, to Raymond and Gladys Trefren in Boise, Idaho. She was a 1967 graduate of Capitol High School and then owned and operated a beauty salon and a drapery workshop.

She married Fred Mayer on August 30, 1979, and they moved with their young daughters to Memphis. Barbara owned and operated a successful high-end drapery workshop, and her work was considered the best in the business. Barbara and her husband founded Fred Mayer and Associates Inc. in 1987, where she served as business manager until her recent retirement.

Barbara was an avid golfer, excellent cook and, as her beautiful home and garden proves, a talented interior designer and gardener with a green thumb. She was a woman of strong faith who loved her family, friends, community at Founders Pointe and many rescue animals.

Barbara was preceded in death by her parents, brothers, Don and Richie, and nephew, Shaun Eshelman. She is survived by her husband, Fred; brother, Raymond; sister, Charlotte Eshelman (Kurt); daughters, Michelle Williams (Scott) and Tricia MacDonald; and grandchildren (who called her “Honey”), Grahamm Motherwell, Alexandra Williams and Olivia Williams.

Barbara will be remembered by everyone who knew her for her eagerness to stop and help anyone in need; to give everything she had to anyone who needed it; and for her sense of humor and gentle spirit that was on display even during her final days. Her golfing friends will remember a natural cheerleader who was able to laugh at herself while keeping everyone else laughing too.

Funeral services will be held on Tuesday, July 10, at 6 p.m. at Community Bible Church, 601 North Bellevue Blvd., Memphis, with Pastor Jim Rowland officiating. The family will greet guests at 5 p.m. until the time of service. In lieu of flowers, memorials may be made in Barbara’s name to Community Bible Church for a much-needed children’s church van, which will be aptly named The Honey “B” Van.